H********y
发帖数: 311 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Poetry 讨论区 】
发信人: HollyMolly (Molly 宝贝儿), 信区: Poetry
标 题: 【龙的 传人】Little Twinkling Eyes
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sat Feb 11 00:55:00 2012, 美东)
Little twinkling eyes
Clearer than crystal lakes
Brighter than shining stars
Little twinkling eyes
Smiling at butterflies
Dream of becoming super stars
Little twinkling eyes
Sprouting in darkness
Waiting to receive us
Little twinkling eyes
I see my reflection in your eyes
I see your future on the paths
Little twinkling eyes
You are the twinkle of my eyes
Let me carry you as my friends
May you never give up your lights
---- Molly Baby |
S*******d
发帖数: 368 | 2 Clap clap clap!
【在 H********y 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Poetry 讨论区 】
: 发信人: HollyMolly (Molly 宝贝儿), 信区: Poetry
: 标 题: 【龙的 传人】Little Twinkling Eyes
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sat Feb 11 00:55:00 2012, 美东)
: Little twinkling eyes
: Clearer than crystal lakes
: Brighter than shining stars
: Little twinkling eyes
: Smiling at butterflies
: Dream of becoming super stars
|
H********y
发帖数: 311 | 3 有错字吗？
写的有点匆忙，最后哪一节，我想把let me carry you....给去掉，你看呢？
【在 S*******d 的大作中提到】
: Clap clap clap!
|
S*******d
发帖数: 368 | 4 I didn't notice any typo, although I thought the word "sprouting"
sounded a little strange to me in association with twinkling eyes.
About that line in the final stanza, personally I think it flows better
with it in place.
【在 H********y 的大作中提到】
: 有错字吗？
: 写的有点匆忙，最后哪一节，我想把let me carry you....给去掉，你看呢？
|
H********y
发帖数: 311 | 5 Good morning!
Thank you again for your critics!!!!!!!!!!
"little twinkling eyes" is the metaphor of children. Children are like
seeds....sprouting~~~ : )
【在 S*******d 的大作中提到】
: I didn't notice any typo, although I thought the word "sprouting"
: sounded a little strange to me in association with twinkling eyes.
: About that line in the final stanza, personally I think it flows better
: with it in place.
|
S*******d
发帖数: 368 | 6 Um...you meant "critique," right? :-)
I guess I was stuck on the actual concept of "eyes"...you don't
really want THOSE to sprout, for sure. :-)
【在 H********y 的大作中提到】
: Good morning!
: Thank you again for your critics!!!!!!!!!!
: "little twinkling eyes" is the metaphor of children. Children are like
: seeds....sprouting~~~ : )
|
H********y
发帖数: 311 | 7 //BLUSH
You are the critic gives me the critique. : )
Thank you!!!!
No.Eyes don't sprout, instead they just pop off. lol
【在 S*******d 的大作中提到】
: Um...you meant "critique," right? :-)
: I guess I was stuck on the actual concept of "eyes"...you don't
: really want THOSE to sprout, for sure. :-)
|
