g******t
发帖数: 230 | 1 两篇对照着看，一个让人笑，一个让人笑着叹气。
50 reasons to have a baby:
1. Eating for two.
2. Maternity jeans.
3. Baby kicks.
4. The fun of being able to say "I'm not expecting" when asked how far
along you are.
5. Justified naps.
6. Not worrying about birth control.
7. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time.
8. Parking in "Expectant Mother" parking spaces.
9. Boobs!
10. Not having to suck in your gut.
11. The fact that nobody picks a fight with the pregnant woman.
12. Having an excuse for flakiness.
13. Not having a period for nine months.
14. Having your husband cater to your every whim.
15. The epidural.
16. Getting to stay in a hospital for 48 hours. (Of course, this is only
appealing if you have other children at home.)
17. The first shower after delivery.
18. Announcing the arrival on Facebook.
19. People bring you meals!
20. And help you with laundry!
21. And want to make your life easier!
22. That first precious Halloween costume.
23. Introducing them to their new big sister or brother.
24. Teeny, tiny baby toes.
25. Maternity leave.
26. Sweet baby giggles.
27. Shopping for baby clothes.
28. Then dressing them up!
29. Cute baby butts in little baby baths.
30. Soft newborn hair.
31. The fact that they don’t talk back ... yet.
32. Using your post-pregnancy body changes as an excuse to buy a new
wardrobe.
33. Baby fingers.
34. Catching up on all of the TV you missed over the last 10 years.
35. That precious first smile.
36. Having people ask to hold the baby verses having them run away from
your kids.
37. The ability to transfer sleeping child seamlessly.
38. Sweet smelling baby skin.
39. Pregnancy horniness.
40. The cuteness of baby hiccups.
41. Little booties.
42. Presents!
43. Funny baby facial expressions, like when they’re pooping.
44. Having an excuse to be unshowered.
45. The ability to turn down invites to family functions for at least
three months.
46. The excitement of their first steps.
47. Tiny baby ears.
48. The heart-stopping moment the first time they say “mama”.
49. Catching sweet moments on camera and showing them off.
50. You get a baby. Lucky you!
50 reasons not to have a baby:
1. Throwing up in the kitchen sink because you just can’t make it to the
bathroom.
2. Stretch marks on top of stretch marks.
3. Not being able to wear your wedding ring because your fingers have
morphed into sausages.
4. Sex with a fetus in the middle.
5. Cankles.
6. Not having your period, but having to still wear a pad.
7. Not recognizing yourself in the mirror.
8. The ninth month of pregnancy.
9. Childbirth.
10. The placenta.
11. Taking that first poop after delivery.
12. The dried out, ready-to-fall-off umbilical cord.
13. The aerobic workout that is installing an infant car-seat.
14. Running out of wipes at the worst possible moment.
15. Being on the receiving end of endless and unwanted advice on everything
involving your baby.
16. Using a breast pump.
17. Writing thank you notes for baby gifts when you can barely see straight.
18. Realizing that the baby weight isn’t, in fact, going to melt off.
19. Living in fear that you will wake that baby who took, OMG seriously, an
hour and a half to put to sleep.
20. Cutting teeny, tiny, paper thin fingernails.
21. Obsessively checking to make sure the baby is breathing when he or she
is finally soundly asleep.
22. Vaccinations.
23. Worrying that the baby’s floppy head might actually fall off.
24. Rectally taking temperatures.
25. Sore nipples.
26. Keeping the right size diapers stocked.
27. Keeping the diapers on.
28. Being incapable of having conversations with other adults.
29. Schlepping an infant carrier everywhere and developing uneven bicep
muscles.
30. Feeling like the worst parent in the world for not obsessively filling
out baby book pages.
31. Projectile vomit.
32. Not being able to soothe a screaming baby in a backward facing seat
because you are concentrating on not wrapping your car around a tree, but at
that moment it sounds like a fine way to put you out of your misery.
33. Sterilizing bottles.
34. Searching in the middle of the night for a lost pacifier, like it was a
million dollar lottery ticket.
35. Spit up covered shoulders.
36. Accepting that your feet aren’t actually returning to their original
size.
37. Baby Einstein videos.
38. Not being able to turn your head because you fall asleep night after
night in the rocking chair.
39. Sleep deprivation.
40. Fearing that the baby might prefer someone – anyone – to you.
41. Baby prunes, chicken and rice and squash.
42. Teething.
43. Ear infections.
44. The dreaded six week postpartum checkup.
45. Explosive diarrhea.
46. Maneuvering a stroller around a store not built for strollers.
47. Changing crib sheets.
48. Trying on your pre-baby jeans for the first time.
49. Having no idea why your clean, fed and burped baby is screaming his or
her head off for hours on end.
50. The fact that babies turn into… kids. |
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